Sunday, April 14, 2019

Week 12

For my rough draft I was having a very hard time coming up with what to write about. This does not usually occur to me. Probably the reason I am hesitating so much is this is a story that other people aside from myself are going to read. I usually write epic fantasy tales with magical creatures, but something halted me into doing that this time. “It’s so immature,” my mind kept telling me “Nobody is going to want to read about talking animals!” So for this assignment I am actually going to do something a bit different that is unlike myself. I am going to write a non-fiction story describing how my life went from something people were jealous of, to being cut off from the ones I loved. I can imagine this digital story being told as a kind of a “draw my life” form like the videos seen on YouTube.


                                    How Love Changed My Life for the Better

As a young child I guess you could say I had it a bit odd to begin with. My first few years of life I had never even gone out of the house. My mom and dad were so busy with work, one working on a day schedule and the other working on a night schedule that when they came home for the day they were so exhausted and didn’t have the energy to go out or do anything. My first time I left the house was when I was a few years old and It was because my grandma was visiting from out of state. We all went to the natural history museum down in Albuquerque. No one knew how I would react, “you mean, there’s a whole other world outside the house?” my grandma joked about my first thoughts. We went to planetarium as one of the festivities and I loved it. The booming sounds and moving pictures were just great! Traveling away from home was fun!

A few years later I had a above average childhood. I was a single child livening with just my mom. A somewhat short and petite women who did her best to raise a single child alone. Aside from not having a dad who lived with me my mom did a great job making a good friendship with me. She was dating a fellow from Australia at the time which made a fun trip when we went to go visit him. Both my mom and her new boyfriend loved traveling, which made me have great stories to tell my friends and teachers at elementary school when I got back. For presentations I'd make boards filled with pictures, seashells and other trinkets from my travels depending on where I went. The Eiffel tower in Paris, the Old Square in Europe, riding horses in the ocean in Jamaica, the Colosseum in Rome, I had been everywhere! “You’re so lucky! I haven't even been of the state!” Some people would even tell me. However, the life of travel and fun times would not last long.

As a teenager I got into the whole ‘rebellious teen’ kind of attitude. Which is funny cause I remember being a kid with my mom visiting a friend’s house watching an older sibling slam the door on her dad and my mom saying “I hope when you’re a kid you never act like that,” with my reply being “don’t worry mom, I won’t.” While shaking my head and holding her arm tightly. By the age of 12 or so I was no longer traveling over seas with her and just enjoyed being home alone. I spent most of my days cooped up in my room watching T.V. It wasn't as glamorous as it sounds though The only things I watched were mainly Jerry Springer, Steve Wilkos, and Maury. This was because growing up I never had cable, because my mom was too cheap to buy it. I didn't even have Netflix and still do not. This anti-social behavior just got worse as the years went on. I became so antisocial to a point where I would only go to places like church or school. And still do. At the time though, I wanted to be home schooled so I was only going to school once a week through a program called RGES (Rio Grande Enrichment Studies). They give you enough homework to last the week. That was during middle school. In high school I only went for one year. And it was the worst year in school of my life. I hated it. I hated having to wake up at 5:30 every morning and did not enjoy being there one bit. I remember for half of the semester I did not talk to anyone. I sat in the back of every class and ate lunch alone. The only reason I started talking to people was because two girls one day wanted to sit in my spot for lunch. I continued to talk to those girls a little throughout the semester, but we never met anywhere apart from school and were no longer in contact after the school year ended. After that year I was home schooled for the rest of my high school. This meant the only places I was going was church and the store. 

But the past year has been the absolute worst with my anti-social behavior. I still do not go to school, I do it all online, and at 19 I still do not have a job. I still am forced to go to church and volunteer work for a place I don’t even want to be, but am also forced to do, or else my internet will get taken away. My church is small and only has maybe 20 people going. When someone there actually tries to strike up conversation with me, they may ask “what does a fun day look like for you, Tara?” or “what do you enjoy doing?” my answer is always the same; “I enjoy being in my room alone listening to music. I’m not an interesting person. I don’t go out and I don’t do much.” Me being alone is not the reason this year has been so bad though, because trust me, after years and years of not doing anything with anyone you get use to being in the background.

When I was 16 it was back to just me and my mom being alone again. We had no family in New Mexico, it was just us. It was actually pretty nice. I could finally start building a relationship with her again without anyone getting in the way. That was, until one night when there was a really bad ice storm and my mom invited someone over from her work to spend the night because they could not get home. She asked me first if she should and at the time I said sure without really thinking if this man was good or not. Weather or not he might steal something or whatever the case might be with inviting someone you didn’t know much about over. And that one simple “sure” from me was all it took for my mom to invite him over and start a 3-year battle between us. Once again, I was put in the background.

This new guy seemed to be a good match for my mom. A taller, white haired blue eyed guy with a nice build who had the same interests as her. They both loved the outdoors and traveling and had much more in common with her than I did.It was hard for me to relate to them. But for the first few months I was of course suspicious of him. This new guy had already moved into our house. I was constantly watching him and whispering to my mom. I didn’t trust him. My mom was blinded by love though and didn’t hear one word I said about me not liking him. In one ear out the other, sometimes not heard at all. I was use to people not hearing me though. Years with no friends also makes you not develop a voice or opinion. I always say I don’t speak unless spoken to and my main form of communication is three words; “Yeah,” “Sure,” and “OK.” Even with my own mother I had no voice of protest. How could someone not listen to their own child? I felt like a kid in a movie when the parents have a new born baby and the kid feels ignored. The only difference was this was not a made-up story for entertainment and there was no happy ending of the family getting back together In the end.

It’s ironic in a way. I always liked movies that didn’t have sappy happy endings. Too mushy. And now my own life is taking that turn. I am 19 now and have almost cut off most communication from my mother. I live in a different state, and am going to move away from the same house I lived in my entire life. It’s going to be hard, but it’s for the better. If this is what it takes for me to finally get that push onto my own two feet then so be it. I am ready to start my own life without being a follower. I am moving to a state with better job opportunities, which will be good once I get my degree. So in a way, it is better for my adult life which in the long run might actually turn out to be a happy ending for me. I will have already moved to the state I wanted to live in since I was a kid and can make a life for myself. I don't have to be pushed aside for other people and can now focus on my own life. 

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